Having a good consent vocabulary

Dom(me)s of the world:

Obviously, y’all are very important to me as educators, lovers and friends.

And every now and then, one of you springs up (or for some reason, hordes of you, where I’m involved) who doesn’t understand that a sub will have boundaries. Just like anyone else. If it’s unacceptable under vanilla circumstances, it’s probably unacceptable under all circumstances.

I’m going to post this as a reminder: tops, think hard about whether you do any of these things. Bottoms, think about whether you’ve witnessed this behavior anywhere recently.


Kinksters are in a unique position to be pioneers of a better consent culture. Can we please fucking work on that?

My cuffs are more anarcha-feminist than yours

You get a lot of mixed reactions in (particularly) anarchist circles. On the one hand, most of the folks I know who partake in BDSM identify somewhere on the far left or post-left. Or, are anarchists and don’t associate themselves with left/right ideologies. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who think it’s fucked up that I’m basically a feminazi while being a sub.

I got some shit about it the other day. A very put off anarchist thought s&m to be horrendous.  And shamed me for it.

I like safe, sane and consensual. If anything, the confrontation of roles and the bending of those roles into play is more honest than your typical “lovemaking.” And I’m not down on vanilla folks, but I’ve never gotten such a strong negative reaction, and he admitted that the idea was threatening to him, and that was the cause of his repugnance.

But why do people feel threatened by kink?