Having a good consent vocabulary

Dom(me)s of the world:

Obviously, y’all are very important to me as educators, lovers and friends.

And every now and then, one of you springs up (or for some reason, hordes of you, where I’m involved) who doesn’t understand that a sub will have boundaries. Just like anyone else. If it’s unacceptable under vanilla circumstances, it’s probably unacceptable under all circumstances.

I’m going to post this as a reminder: tops, think hard about whether you do any of these things. Bottoms, think about whether you’ve witnessed this behavior anywhere recently.


Kinksters are in a unique position to be pioneers of a better consent culture. Can we please fucking work on that?


My cuffs are more anarcha-feminist than yours

You get a lot of mixed reactions in (particularly) anarchist circles. On the one hand, most of the folks I know who partake in BDSM identify somewhere on the far left or post-left. Or, are anarchists and don’t associate themselves with left/right ideologies. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who think it’s fucked up that I’m basically a feminazi while being a sub.

I got some shit about it the other day. A very put off anarchist thought s&m to be horrendous.  And shamed me for it.

I like safe, sane and consensual. If anything, the confrontation of roles and the bending of those roles into play is more honest than your typical “lovemaking.” And I’m not down on vanilla folks, but I’ve never gotten such a strong negative reaction, and he admitted that the idea was threatening to him, and that was the cause of his repugnance.

But why do people feel threatened by kink?

Submissives’ Bill Of Rights

*NOTE* the following is a post that I found online many years ago (back in 04), I know that many who might well read this will disagree with it in part or for all of it, but I am posting this because I wish to do so and because TO ME some of it holds very much true regardless of your dynamic (but again its how I see it and I know other’s have their views on the matter).

A Submissive’s Bill Of Rights

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT . Not only do you have this right ~ you have the right to demand it. Being submissive does not make you a doormat or ANY less of a person then anyone else. The word “SUBMISSIVE” describes you nature and in NO way diminishes you as a human being.You have the right to respect yourself as well.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT: to be proud of what you are and not have feelings of shame and reproach. Your submissive nature is a gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness for not only the Dominant but you as well.

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