Lube N00b- an ongoing inquiry

I use a lot of lube. I’ve tried a lot of lube. Lube is great and good and good and great.

I have a deep, turgid hatred for water-based lubes. They get sticky so so so quickly, and I have been too turned off to try the ones that claim not to. So for the most part, I’ve stuck to silicone lubes and just avoided silicone toys, opting instead for glass, metal, and hard plastics. And then I fell in love:

Oh god, it’s got like minor antiseptic and antifungal capabilities, it’s totally compatible with silicone toys, it’s so so so smooth, it’s like $9 for 14 oz and you can use it to bake stuff and it has a really high smoke point and I like putting it on my genitals. I use one of these things to melt it down

Which is great cus it also works great as a massage oil. Also lotion. Also it lowers your cholesterol.

But it has one major flaw. which is that it is an oil. When oil meets latex, babies and infections happen. Condoms break, so you have two options, if you want to use coconut oil. Either use non-latex condoms (polyurethane, not polyisoprene. Polyisoprene is latex by a different name) or for those in monogamous relationships, go get yourselves tested and get on some kind of birth control. See my post below about IUDs.

But condoms are really great. Like super great and they’re more important than slathering your junk in food products. So, you can be astute and pay attention to the ingredients on any and every water-based lube you come across, or you can focus on silicones and reserve it for times when silicone toys aren’t in play.

Water-based lubes have some problems. One of them is glycerine (aka glycerol), which causes some of the drying out because it allows the lube to absorb into tissue. Also, it’s a sugar alcohol, and although I’m not a chemist, that sounds like a recipe for yeast infections. Also in butts, I would not be about something that absorbs, but that’s just me. Furthermore, there is an issue with parabens, which are used as preservatives. Sometimes they cause irritation, and that’s shitty. If you are a brave soul who will go with a water-based lube because you can, you know, use just one lube for everything, I would like to point you towards Sliquid. Their lube is satisfactorily not full of icky crap.

I’ll review some silicone lubes soon, when I gather them all…some are at the boyfriend’s house and I want to rate them by slipperyness or something. Mostly just looking for an excuse to mess with lube. Yeah. In summary, coconut oil is my favorite thing.


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