Ohhhh someday…

A Day at Folsom Street Fair, the Burning Man of the BDSM Scene | VICE United States

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Oh Fun Factory

Dear Fun Factory

I’m a long distance admirer. I own one toy of yours (Bimini Ocean, review pending) and I use your body lube on a semi regular basis, and I think it’s my favorite. Amongst the public, there is a consensus that your toys carry strong motors, body safe silicone, whimsical colors, and efficient batteries. You run an ethical business all under one roof and have resisted the urge to outsource your labor to China or Pakistan unlike so many of your competitors. You invented the pulsating vibrator, an achievement in futuristic off-jerking. I have recommended toys of yours to other people on the basis that they’re high quality, sturdy, fun (looking and using) and a conscientious choice in the market. So I mean no disrespect by the below statements.

But I gotta know, Fun Factory, two things:

Who told you that’s where my clit was? That’s not where it is. I don’t think anyone’s clit is there. Is your clit there? Like a centimeter from your vag?
Why do you make toys that can see me? Flexi Felix knows where he’s going, and I don’t think he’s too happy about it. Nor your dolphin…people…things. Why you doin’ that?

Shine on, you crazy Germans!

Wilmington, NC, sex toy shops, attempt 2

So I went to North Carolina. And in North Carolina, I went to 2 sex shops.

First, I went to Adam and Eve. I didn’t realize it was a physical place until seeing a skeevy billboard for it on I-40, at which point I proclaimed my boyfriend’s car the “dildo mobile” and after dropping our stuff at the sketchiest motel I have ever seen, we were on our way.
Adam and Eve (as in www.adameve.com) was interesting. The first word that comes to mind is “clean.” Unlike their web stock, which contains a disproportionate amount of porous, jelly, rubber, whatever shit, this place had more silicone in terms of vibrators than I was expecting. In terms of harness-friendly dildoes, I was disappointed. Missing a big population chunk there…I guess it’s to be expected of a store called Adam and Eve. Heterosexist, much? I will give them this credit: amazing wall of lube. So much lube. There’s never enough lube.

While travelling to Adam and Eve, we found another store called A Sweeter View. Raunchier. Better glass/metal selection and more harness-friendly stuff, though none of it made of safe shit. No kinky porn, no gay porn. No harnesses. No lube. Guh how do you not sell more than like 2 lubes? How do you stay in business? The fuck?

Both of these stores had some impact play equipment, but it was made by Pipedream and is therefore crap. And even the Wallgreens in Chapel Hill had 3 different silicone lubes. I dunno. Wilmington is cool, but…eh. Ehhh. Eh.

Sexual policing is NOT sexy and it definitely isn’t the role of scientists. The creators are paranoid that this drug might make women like sex too much. I don’t need to rehash the article, but here’s the original NY Times article.

‘Female Viagra’ Could Cause ‘Societal Splintering,’ According to Scientists

Tantus Alumina Pace (review pt 2)

For the second part of this review, we visit Tantus’ Alumina Pace. I lurv this plug.

It’s made of aluminium, and is heavier, which I didn’t know was great til I tried it. Definitely not as heavy as steel, for example, but certainly more substantial than silicone. The finish on this plug is almost a matte, velvety feel. It holds temperatures very well, too. I don’t understand the appeal of cold, but it does that, if you want it to. The only weird thing, I find, is that the ring where the plug unscrews…

…can be irritating. It isn’t irritating the whole time I’m wearing it, but insertion and removal are complicated by it.
The Pace unscrews because everything in the Tantus Alumina line unscrews and you can frankenstein the parts together if you so choose.

The shape is tricky. It works well for my body, in that although the neck is long (probably too long for some people’s taste) depending on the amount of butt padding you have, it may be a non-issue. I also like the rounded end because it’s a source of stimulation unto itself, but because it’s only an inch in diameter, I keep getting freaked out that it’s gonna migrate or something. It hasn’t, but, paranoia triumphs still. Another bonus, and really the thing I like best, is that the insertable portion isn’t terribly long.

I do want to compare the Pace to the Little Flirt. They’re certainly both good plugs, but the Little Flirt, again, for me was only useful a handfull of times. The Pace, I will probably use forever. The Little Flirt has a bulky base, the Pace has a round one. The Little Flirt isn’t stimulating because it’s long and it anchors itself in place; Pace can move around and muscles will play with it. The Little Flirt shouldn’t be used with silicone lube, but the Pace can be. The Little Flirt is .8” and the Pace is 1.25” and not as tapered. If you’re confident that you want to play around with butt plugs, and you find yourself looking on the Tantus site during the month of October while the butt toys are 25% off (hint hint), you may just want the Pace. If you’re more unsure, perhaps the Little Flirt. Or some other plug entirely.

Just don’t buy that jelly shit. I’ll haunt your ass.

No joke.

Tantus Little Flirt (review part 1)

In honor of Tantus’ discount on butt toys, I shall review the first and second butt plugs I ever purchased. Today, the Little Flirt.

As the name suggests, the Little Flirt is quite small, maxing out at just under an inch at it’s widest point and an insertable length of 3”. It’s quite flexible and, like (nearly) everything sold by Tantus, it is made from a low-traction, medical-grade silicone.

The Little Flirt is a good first plug, no doubt. The size and flexibility make this plug feel less invasive for the first couple of uses.

However, the shape of it is prohibitive for extended use. The base is wide and doesn’t sit comfortably between cheeks. I actually sliced off chunks of the base as an experiment in ergonomics. I give that a resounding “meh.”

The other design flaw is that the tapered design of the plug starts to feel less secure very quickly while moving around. Unlike other plugs which have a narrow stem relative to the bulky part, this plug feels like it’s hanging on for dear life. Part of that, I think, is the length.

Admittedly, this plug piqued my interest in plugs more generally. The (lack of) girth was highly instrumental in that, and the gradually tapered shape, as weird as it is to me now, made insertion extremely easy. In addition, the tininess and straightness make it super easy to wear during sex.Truly, that first 3ish times I used it before deciding I wanted different things in my butt were pretty easy.

The link above is selling this toy for $17. I have to say, considering the quality of materials, for a first plug, it’s a good investment. If you know you’re into anal play, maybe bypass it for something shaped better, but if you wanna find out what plugs feel like the most painless way possible, the Little Flirt is a pretty good bet. At the link provided above, all plugs/anal probes are 25% off with the coupon code WHATWHAT which gets applied at checkout (making this plug $13). The “grab bag” is all about random colors.

Just, ya know. Think about it.