I’ve been disturbed to see dynamics emerge where people create the new poly norm and then hate themselves if they cannot live up to it. If they are not perfect at being non-jealous, non-threatened, and totally delighted by their partners’ exploits immediately then they have somehow failed. I have felt this way myself. Frustrated at how my intellect can embrace this approach to sex and yet my emotional reaction is sometimes enormous and undeniably negative. At times, this has become a new unachievable perfection I use to torture myself, embarrassed even to admit to friends how awful I feel when overcome by jealousy, and becoming increasingly distant from partners as I try to hide these shameful and overwhelming feelings. This doesn’t seem like the radical and revolutionary practice I had hoped for. In fact, it feels all too familiar, like the other traumas of growing up under capitalism—alienation from myself and others, constant insecurity and distrust and fear, self-hatred and doubt and inadequacy.

Dean Spade, For Lovers and Fighters (via tgstonebutch)

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My cuffs are more anarcha-feminist than yours

You get a lot of mixed reactions in (particularly) anarchist circles. On the one hand, most of the folks I know who partake in BDSM identify somewhere on the far left or post-left. Or, are anarchists and don’t associate themselves with left/right ideologies. On the other hand, there are a lot of people who think it’s fucked up that I’m basically a feminazi while being a sub.

I got some shit about it the other day. A very put off anarchist thought s&m to be horrendous.  And shamed me for it.

I like safe, sane and consensual. If anything, the confrontation of roles and the bending of those roles into play is more honest than your typical “lovemaking.” And I’m not down on vanilla folks, but I’ve never gotten such a strong negative reaction, and he admitted that the idea was threatening to him, and that was the cause of his repugnance.

But why do people feel threatened by kink?